Half a roll of film. Two pints in the Star & Garter. The rain coming down outside.
"Say it loud and sing it proud, today..."
I'm shooting on the F6 today. Half a roll in and I retreat to the pub. It's all I've been able to muster. I brought the Q2 too but digital can fuck off, again. Full circle? No. Just a phase. Just me.
The roll has sat in the F6 since God knows when. I've no idea what sits captured on the first 18 or so frames.
I sit in the Star and Garter on this fine rainy Soho day, watching the rain come down. It's soothing. Thoughts swirl - the many plans and what-ifs I've had over the years. I recently learned that old boy, who'd run the pub for decades, sold up last year during lockdown. He sold it to a man who then killed himself. The new landlord I don't know, only this new barmaid.
Over there, two baldies sit. They look like father and son. How nice that must be. Discussing this or that, two pints in between, and close. Father and adult son. Alas.
Others arrive, wet from the rain, peering meerkat-like left and right, looking for a place to rest and to shelter. They squeeze into the corner, moving heavy iron tables like bus drivers turn their steering wheels. They slide the stools too, making room. To squeeze in.
The social etiquette of the London pub plays out, Londoners - workers and locals alike, observe with an unstated joy, knowingly half-smiling - at least I do - at this familiar routine. It's how the pub used to be, pre-Covid, I mean. Village life has returned it seems.
"I'm older than I wish to be, this town holds no more for me."
My 40th is fast approaching. These what-ifs and plans remain if only as fantasies. My photographic legacy remains in the future. It's shit, but so am I. And a First in my degree, with Honours no less. Oh well... Talent, connections, knowing the right people - these things are not mine.
"Some might say, that we should never ponder... on our thoughts today, cos they hold sway over time..."
A hundred or so rolls lay undeveloped, all 135 and 120. Surely hundreds more sit sleeved yet remain unscanned.
"Some might say, we will find a brighter day."
I will soon commence again, digitising these untold treasures on film that I've produced over the years. Aldgate, Soho, the City, mostly. Negatives and some positives - digitised for my own interest if nothing else and published on Instagram - Words & Photography, as well as on my own account.
"All my life, I've tried to find another way..."
Oasis is finishing up on my earphones and my second pint is done. Off to Paddington ... via The King and Queen ... for just ... one ... more.